Tao Te Ching - Seeking Others' Approval

 "The Master does his job and then stops. Because he believes in himself, he doesn't try to convince others. Because he is content with himself, he doesn't need others' approval.  Because he accepts himself, the whole world accepts him." 

- Tao Te Ching Chapter 30, Stephen Mitchell translation

As I've reflected on this verse from the Tao Te Ching, I've noticed a pattern throughout my life of seeking others' approval as a means of validating my self-worth, success and happiness. More accurately, my perception of others' approval or disapproval, whether real or imagined, has at times preoccupied my thoughts in ways that have hindered my ability to truly be content and at peace in the present moment.

I certainly don't think I'm unique in this - we live in a world where we are constantly bombarded with expectations about what it means to be successful - be it through wealth, status, or whatever other metric that is imposed on us or that we impose on ourselves.  As children, we are praised when we follow the prescribed rules in school, church or at home. With my own kids, I'll give them some a marble in a jar or points toward a treat or other future reward if they'll go to bed when I want them to or do other tasks that I impose on them. Even as adults, on social media, we tally the number of likes or comments we receive.  At work, we seek to climb the corporate ladder, to get that oh-so-important next promotion.  And even when the money, likes or that desired promotion come, we realize it's not enough and we continue in a seemingly endless attachment or desires for even more.

Perhaps there is even some value in this hedonic treadmill of forever unfulfilled expectations.  It motivates us to continually strive for self-improvement and the betterment of humanity.  It offers brief spikes of dopamine that bring momentary pleasure that help us to continue to move forward.

But when would now be enough, where that next promotion, raise or social affirmations would no longer be required to be truly content.

What if I could as the Tao Te Ching suggests, just do my job and then stop. Not stop and wait to see how many others noticed my job well done, how many likes or view I get on social media or whether others will agree with me or disagree, approve or disapprove, but letting my work, my ideas, my values, my passions stand for what they are without the need for external validation - To act without attachment, "do [my] work, then step back- the only path to serenity." (Tao Te Ching 9)

These theme of nonattachment to the fruits of our labors seems to be a recurring theme throughout the Tao Te Ching as well as other Eastern traditions.  "Things arise and she lets them come; things disappear and she lets them go. She has but doesn't possess, acts but does not expect." (Chapter 2) "When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you" (Chapter 8) "Chase after money and security and your heart will never unclench. Care about people's approval and you will be their prisoner." (Chapter 9). "Express yourself completely then keep quiet." (Chapter 23) "He who clings to his work will create nothing that endures. If you want to accord with the Tao, just do your job, then let go." (Chapter 24). Or from the Hindu Bhagavad Gita, "work hard in the world... but you should not crave the fruits of it. Be even tempered in success or failure."

I think this is something I could get better at - striving to be less attached to the fruits of my work and not condemning myself for my failures or shortcomings. Instead I can strive to be content with what I have and who I am right now.  Perhaps striving for not striving is in itself a contradiction, but it's a contradiction that I want to continue to explore.

"If you realize that you have [and are] enough, you are truly rich." (Tao Te Ching 33)