The Mormon Boy

The Mormon Boy 

I'm a Mormon boy. Born of goodly parents; taught the covenant way.

I try to be like Jesus. I long to see the temple, to promise and obey.

With white shirt and tie, praises to Joseph and God I sing.

The Church is true, I'm taught to say, with every fiber of my being.

At eight, I'm dressed in purest white, cleansed from sin - my family proud.

As time goes by, I struggle and I fall. At school, I learn to swear, at home not aloud

I change my friends, clean up my words, I obey and I repent.

My friends know me as the Mormon boy. I'm proud to represent.

Years pass - different struggles and different falls, but I try to find the straight and narrow way.

I long to see the temple. I promise and obey, so that I may be deemed worthy... someday.

I love seminary, Sunday School and EFY - I think I'm off to a great new start.

At seventeen, I date a girl and things heat up fast. I break things off and break her heart...

Because I'm a Mormon boy, the bar's been raised. How high? I never knew.

The path goes on to BYU, I double down on "truth." Deep doctrine and devotion - true blue, through and through.

I love to see the temple. I go inside most days. I covenant with Heavenly Father. I listen and I pray.

I'm called to serve. The "best two years." I struggle... But I thrive and lead as I obey.

I return with honor, a job well done, headed back to BYU.

I meet a Mormon girl and fall in love. In time, she does too.

We marry in God's temple, family all around. The "Holy Spirit of Promise" seals us on our way.

Years pass by, we're blessed with kids - followed by sleepless nights and tired, long days. 

Career goes well, our family grows. I work too much. The days are blurred. 

But Sundays Will Come, and hope's renewed as I listen to God's one true word.

Some cracks come in, of teenage brides and other "anti-Mormon lies."

But the Church is true, or so I'm told. Apologetics help the cracks subside.

Time goes by, and changes come. More loved ones leave the church that I adore.

My brother wed. I look around God's Holy House, my family closed outside the door.

Could this truly represent heaven without my family? The cracks surface once more.

Could God be truly there and hide His face? Why does God shut the door?

I plead with God, I read His Word. I study all I can.

But God stays silent... And then I think, "what if the Mormon Church is not God's plan?"

The more I study, the more I learn the history of the Church is quite messy

Of false translations of Egyptian texts, of missing DNA and archeology,

Of masonic temple rituals and disturbing temple penalties,

Of racist prophetic doctrines, anachronisms and other irregularities,

Of polygamy and polyandry, destroying angels with drawn swords; 

Of marriages to teenage brides with family exaltation promised as a reward.

After learning more of the fruits of Joseph and Brigham's ploys,

With beliefs now gone, could I still be a Mormon boy?

I doubt my doubts and doubt my faith

After lots of thought, I decide, for now, to stay.

Perhaps, I can embrace "a thoughtful faith," a nuanced or progressive view?

A voice for change, let go of some things old and embrace some things new.

I can mourn with those that mourn and comfort those in need.

I can still be a Mormon boy - not in belief - but in words and deed.

But faith and belonging beyond beliefs is hard - a path few can long sustain.

Where once I was fulfilled, Church is now an emotional drain.

Teachings of the "One True Church" and the LGBTQ "evils of the world"

Ring hollow, untrue, and harmful, and have my mind in a whirl.

So at long last, I decide to leave the Church I loved behind.

But three decades of beliefs weigh heavily on my mind.

So am I still the Mormon boy?  Mostly no. But in some ways, I'll always be.

As for how the future will unfold, with time, I'll see.