Renewal

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” - Anne Lamott

Work has been extremely busy for me the last few months. The first few months of an accountant's year are often the busiest under the best of circumstances - year-end close, annual financial statement reporting, audits, tax filings, etc..  Add on top of that my employer getting acquired in January - going from being part of a 250 person organization to a 10,000+ person Fortune 500 company - it's been an exhausting whirlwind of non-stop meetings, questions, confusion, and chaos trying to keep my head above water. Working from home, while great in many respects, has even further complicated things by blurring the lines between work and home. When an e-mail comes in after or before "normal" working hours, it's so easy to just quietly slip away downstairs to the home office to resolve the issue. After all, with all the meetings scheduled for the next day, I won't have time tomorrow anyways - so great to get things out of the way now, right? Overall, it's led to less sleep, more irritability, more anxiety, and just overall feelings of burnout. At times it can seem like a long drawn-out winter where the groundhog keeps seeing his shadow and adding another six weeks to the foreboding forecast of more cold days and long nights ahead. While I have some concerns regarding the acquisition, I think I'm positioned fairly well in the new organization, so my future seems bright - but recently, I've just been feeling tired and worn-out.

Spring, however, brings us a reminder of the beauty of renewal - white and pink blossoms, green budding leaves, yellow daffodils and red tulips add hints of vibrant color to the otherwise cold, dry, seemingly lifeless plants and gardens. The air gets warmer, the grill gets dusted off, and the evening sun lasts a little longer. Mother Nature seems to replace the groundhog's dubious forecasting with a beautiful hope for renewed life and joy. 

With the changes in weather from the emergence of spring, the Easter message of a risen Christ, and my own recent feelings of burn-out, the topic of renewal has been on my mind. Sarah and I decided earlier this year to start doing more one-on-one dates with each of our kids - every couple weeks one of us will go out with one of our children to do an activity of their choosing.  The rotation fell on my oldest daughter this weekend, so I went with her to the local movie theater to see Disney's "Raya and the Last Dragon." Admittedly, going into the movie, this was her choice of movies and not mine, but it turned out to be a very good movie with an uplifting message - somewhat predictable but still left me teary-eyed at times. It was great to spend quality time with my daughter. 

The experience of watching a movie in the theater is so different than streaming the same movie at home. The difference? I think it mostly comes down to focus and distraction.  Watching a movie in the theater, you are able to fully engross yourself in the moment - the screen literally takes up the vast majority of your field of vision, surround sound draws you in audibly, the comfort of the recliner chairs alleviates physical discomforts, and the taste and smell of popcorn further draws you into the moment.  All of these are very different in the context of streaming content at home while putting away laundry. Going on my "daddy-daughter" date was a special moment for my daughter, but I think it benefited me much more.

This led me to further reflect on the activities in my life that lead to renewal and growth rather than burnout and stagnation.  Here's a partial list that comes to mind:

- Movie theater experiences

- Meditation, observing breaths

- Playing piano

- Quality/focused time with kids (Singing, dancing, playing piano while kids sing along, pushing kids on swings, flying kites, wrestling, tickling, playing family video games together, board games)

- Quality/focused time with my spouse

- Quality/focused time with extended family

- Going outside in the sun

- Breathing fresh, clean, cool air, especially after rain

- The smell of pine trees

- Listening to the wind while laying in the hammock

- Listening to bird sounds while laying in the hammock

- Noticing new flowers, blossoms or leaf buds in the spring

- Listening to or reading uplifting/motivational stories

- Learning about other cultures/religious texts that offer perspectives different than my own

- Learning a new skill

- Teaching someone a new skill

- Cooking and preparing meals with my wife

- Having a clean house

- Sending a note to a friend wishing them well or expressing gratitude

- Receiving a note from a friend wishing me well or expressing gratitude

- Exercise

- Playing video games with kids

Reflecting on my initial list, I realize that there is a common theme that runs through most of these, which is that each reflects a time when I am free from distractions and fully engrossed in the present moment, however brief such moments might be.

Of course, if these are the things that I know will bring me peace, tranquility and renewal, then why don't I do them more often? Why do I instead find myself scrolling endlessly through Facebook, sitting on the couch looking at screens, or a whole host of other things that I know to be less personally fulfilling? 

In large part, I think my largest obstacle is inertia - an object at rest will remain at rest until acted upon by an external force. There are also very real obstacles (e.g. it's cold outside, having a clean house requires a lot of effort with 4 kids messing it up faster than I can clean, my job requires a significant portion of my day and sometimes night, I have a limited amount of energy I can expend in one day).  Part of it could also be perceived obstacles that may not actually be true (e.g. if I go to the gym, the bike machine I like is already going to be occupied anyways, it might rain if I go for a run, etc)

It may not be possible to eliminate all of these, there are probably a lot of things I can do to alleviate many of the obstacles. I've found at work that 80% of my computer IT issues can be solved by unplugging and/or restarting my computer. While I know very little about the inner workings of computer programming, I'm told this works so well because it clears the random-access memory (RAM) and essentially gives your computer a clean slate or a fresh start.  I think this works for people too. In the words of novelist Anne Lamott, "Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you."